"Radical" Availability

Today, alone, I've had three separate conversations regarding taking time off.  I was even laughed at by someone when I even said, "No" to something and cited it to, "Guarding my time off."  It's so difficult for those of us in the vineyard of the Lord to take time for ourselves, because we see the value of each soul.  We know that souls have an eternal value, and as evangelists, whether with tweens, teens, college students, parents, or parishioners, we understand the urgent nature of the Gospel message.  We know that we need to reach as many souls as fast as possible.  This is truly a life-or-death business we are in, and it's an eternal business.  We are well trained; we are passionate; we work with great love.

Here's the thing - working as if you are the one saving souls is dangerous for everyone involved.

On a human level, when you begin to work all the time, you find it impossible to separate work from personal.  In ministry it's not necessarily a terrible a thing to have work and personal together all rolled into one thing.  However, look at it from this perspective:

One day I was talking with a woman whom I love and now call one of my best friends.  This woman was exhausted and running hard still after souls, which is completely admirable.  I asked her, "When was the last time you took time just for you?"  She couldn't remember and through her tears told me how tired she was.  What broke my heart even more was the litany of things she said immediately following, "I just know that I need to talk to so-and-so.  I need to call so-and-so.  I need to get with such-and-such team to help them with their practice so I can get a repoir with them.  And all these woman written down here in my prayer journal need to be invested in, too!"  It was that moment that I realized she thought it all depended on her and no one else.  I asked her if she thought that, and she responded she did.  It turns out she forgot that Jesus is doing the work, not her at all.

Taking time is often less about our own physical needs, and more about our own spiritual needs.  If you are working all the time, who is really doing the work?  Even Mother Teresa would take an extra holy hour on her busiest days running an entire religious community and hospital for the ill in Calcutta.  It's a reminder of the One in charge - the Lord.  The Holy Spirit is opening the hearts and softening the soil for the seeds He will plant with the words He gives you.  Really, you just show up when He plans.  He plans for you to show up six days a week, and I'll explain that in a minute.  This is a serious pride issue!  If you are taking yourself that seriously, you need to recall you still need a Savior.  It's by grace, alone, you are who you are (see the second reading from today's lectionary).

It's not good for those you serve to misunderstand what it means to be radically available.  Granted, if someone's mother died, you'd want to be available for that.  If someone was up late writing a paper, you don't need to be available for that.  Having healthy boundaries is a necessity in ministry.  Why is it necessary for you to have these boundaries?  The minute these people rely only on you is the minute you've failed them as an evangelist.  Yes, you can recover from this, but hear my point first.  If someone is attached to you, they most often will not attach to Jesus - the person you are doing the work for.  Having healthy boundaries is a balancing act.  Don't become so detached that you know nothing of them or vice versa (make sure you are doing a healthy amount of sharing in your ministerial relationships), but don't allow a dependency there.  You know what that looks like....

Now, I want to talk about this in the context of the Church.  If you ignore everything I say, don't ignore the mandates of Holy Mother Church.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church says this:

2172 God's action is the model for human action. If God "rested and was refreshed" on the seventh day, man too ought to "rest" and should let others, especially the poor, "be refreshed." The sabbath brings everyday work to a halt and provides a respite. It is a day of protest against the servitude of work and the worship of money.

You, my friends, have been called out.  Here's the important thing to remember.  God is perfect; God can do all.  God rested.  Get over yourselves and take a freaking nap (or a day to go play with your kids).

I am also throwing this out there.  Single people - if you think you don't have time to discern your Vocation right now, you are doing something wrong.  If you experience the call to marriage, make time for him or her NOW, and they will fit into your life in the fullness of time (to steal a line from scripture).

Now, those of you that know me well are laughing hysterically at this blog.  When I was even hired for this job I have now, one of my references warned me, "Manda you're fantastic, but your one downfall is you work too hard."  I write this as a reformed over-worker.  I had a great person talk with me regarding this - my former chaplain when I worked for FOCUS as a Team Director.  Fr. Lowry challenged my a lot in my time off.  There were two times, explicitly, I remember him sending me home to take time off. Now I take time off.  I stay home Tuesday mornings because I'm in late Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.  I take Fridays and Saturdays, generally (sometimes there are relational ministry games and plays to go to, so I take extra time elsewhere).  I see friends when I'm home. I call my family.  I write my grandfather a letter.  I pray.  I visit with my spiritual director.  I have a glass of wine and watch Downton Abbey.  I play my guitar.  I sit in a coffee shop and read.  I drive to the gluten-free bakery.  I go to the farmer's market.  What's so wrong with those things?  Nothing.  It's a beautiful thing.

I Got Called Out!

I've had several conversations in the past few weeks about people who don't believe in voting.  There are a couple of things that don't sit well with me:
1. Voting for someone I know isn't 100% pro-life (abortion, contraception, death penalty, unjust wars)
2. The fact that our country is really a Bi-partisan System
3. Is it really my MORAL OBLIGATION to vote?  And who said?  "Do I HAVE to?" (Yes, insert Manda-whiney-voice here)

I googled it.  That's right; I straight googled what I'm supposed to do.  That's the tricky thing with the internet; you never know what you're gonna get.

I came across this site:
http://www.ewtn.com/vote/voting_faq.htm
 Praise GOD for EWTN.  Grateful for good nuns in Alabama....

The part of this site that really stuck out to me is the use of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

2239 It is the duty of citizens to contribute along with the civil authorities to the good of society in a spirit of truth, justice, solidarity, and freedom. The love and service of one's country follow from the duty of gratitude and belong to the order of charity. Submission to legitimate authorities and service of the common good require citizens to fulfill their roles in the life of the political community.

"Service of the common good require citizens to fulfill their roles in the life of the political community."  Um, wow.  What is my role in this ambiguous idea of the political community?  I'm definitely not called to run for an office and be a politician myself - I kind of have a full-time job (youth ministers of the world - please laugh at the use of 'full-time' there.).  I'm definitely not called to give money to the political campaigns of others; insert bad joke about youth minister's salary here.  It logically follows that my duty now becomes voting.

It hurts my heart to think so many people don't think voting will do any good.  Many of these people are smart enough to know this - grace builds upon nature.  If you want to be a holy person, practice the virtues.  If you want to be a holy person, act like a holy person.  If you want to see a change in this world, live that change.  If you want to change the minds of politicians, voice your concerns!  How big is your God?  If your God is big enough to die and three days later rise from the grave for your sins, then your God is big enough to take your little vote somewhere.  This is the beauty of our God; He will never take our free will.  You have the choice to work with grace or against it.  It's the same here!  Let's work with grace and begin the process of changing our country.  It takes one person at a time.  One mind at a time.  One tiny little law at a time.

You want to see real change?  Be that real change.  Vote.

Spiritual Poverty

"My brothers and sisters, show no partiality

as you adhere to the faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ.

For if a man with gold rings and fine clothes

comes into your assembly,

and a poor person in shabby clothes also comes in,

and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes

and say, "Sit here, please, "

while you say to the poor one, "Stand there, " or "Sit at my feet, "

have you not made distinctions among yourselves

and become judges with evil designs?

Listen, my beloved brothers and sisters.

Did not God choose those who are poor in the world

to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom

that he promised to those who love him?"

James 2:1-5 

So, I can't take credit for going after this verse tonight, as we studied it with the teens during our weekly prayer group.  However, when "the stars align" I simply must blog.

First, a warning that the language of the current show I've been enamored with (curse of an addictive personality) will likely show itself in this post.  I've been watching Downton Abbey at the recommendation of my parish's Parochial Vicar.  Excellent choice!

Ok, now that's settled, I've been having some wonderful conversations with a dear friend of mine these past few months, specifically regarding evangelization and the direction of our lives.  The beautiful thing is that we talk often about evangelization and what it looks like as a lifestyle.  Those of you who know me well know that this is a great passion of my life.  Here's how the two stories combine:

When Bl. Mother Teresa was called by Christ to found the religious community the Missionaries of Charity, she saw the physical poverty of Calcutta.  She felt the call of Christ as He reminded her of His Thirst.  "I thirst," He said on the Cross as a reminder of His love - His thirst for us.  This same woman saw the United States as a place of great Spiritual Destitution.  In the United States, we have access to just about anything we desire; movies, music, internet, BLOGGING, Twitter, Facebook, education, food that we like, clothing, etc.  The poverty in America is not of a physical nature, but of a spiritual one.  (Please note that I'm not denying the very dire situations of several people in our country.  I'm simply making commentary on the social state of many of those we encounter daily.)

When we read the passage above, of course we are called to care for the poor.  I will never deny that justice is still a deep-seeded desire of my heart and a great virtue of the Father.  However, if we take this verse and apply it to the great need of our own nation - spiritual poverty - how much more are we called to love in ministry?  Isn't it so easy sometimes to sit back and allow ourselves to give those a front row seat?  I see this sometimes in myself; it's easy sometimes to work with those in front of you rather than to continue to push to find the new souls the Lord has entrusted to your care.  You alone are to find them (with grace), and so you alone must seek them (with grace).  

Tonight I'm reminded that my desire to seek that lost hasn't waned a bit.  I desire to work with and deepen those who are striving for virtue and holiness, but so much of my heart continues to desire to seek those who are not wanting this.  I will continue to make new contacts and search for those who allow the seeds of the Gospel to take root in their lives.  Pray for my continued conversion.

He would stop at nothing...

to be with his beloved."

This is a quote from a movie I started watching, but the quote began to spin my head into oblivion.  I never actually got past the first scene of the movie.  The movie is called "John of the Cross".  

I reflect a lot on the lives of the Saints, especially in my new home as a missionary.  The Lord has called me to take up residence as a missionary to Middle School and High School youth in Mesa, AZ.  This particular parish I'm working with has a beautiful, albeit out of the ordinary, mural behind the altar.  The mural has several well-known Saints and Blesseds admiring the tabernacle placed in the center of the sanctuary.  This year several of these holy men and women are the patrons and patronesses of the small groups for the EDGE program, giving the students opportunity to learn more about what devotion to Saints really means.  It's awesome to see how they've responded so far!

Back to the topic - He would stop at nothing to be with his beloved.  In this case, the Beloved is the Lord.  The true difference between a Saint and another person who is merely existing is their honest pursuit of their Beloved.  This is why Saints are married, consecrated or really any Vocation that is a true Vocation.  They stop at nothing to run after their Beloved.  They've found something - the pearl of great price - and they're selling everything they own just for that pearl.  

Here's the thing - he would stop at nothing.  That's the problem, isn't it?  If we were to accomplish the sanctity of this man, of these men, would we not already be home?  Isn't just this life a journey home?

I was convicted in prayer in June about the Lord's desire for me to pray.  Yes, ok, I know He wants me to pray, but it's all the more important not just because it "gets me through the day" or because "consolation is how I function".  Here's the beautiful thing He told me (and maybe I'm way behind the curve here, because I'm sure everyone reading this has been there) - no matter how much I need the consolation, no matter how much I struggle with loneliness, these moments of consolation in prayer, these moments of sheer tenderness, mean far more to Him than they will me.  That's why I should go to prayer - the selfless motivation that it means something to the Beloved.  That's the beauty of these Saints - these men!  They are true men!

Isn't that what our battle is?  Women, don't we feel like we're fighting a battle against ourselves and for our men?  I struggle every day when I see men fail to be real men because the culture tells them what "masculinity" truly is.  Being a man isn't your sexual conquests.  Being a man isn't making the big bucks to bring home to yo' baby mama.  Being a man isn't even owning up to the mistakes you've made.  Being a real man is accepting that your life is one laid in pursuit of the Beloved, and selflessly following His will for you.  Eventually that leads you to a life of great sacrifice but amazing reward in marriage (marriage to a beautiful woman or a beautiful Church - He'll tell you!).  

So, tonight I'm called out, once again.  In the true freedom of prayer that I learned in Honduras, I'm begging the Lord for His strength to stop at nothing for the Beloved.  For Him.  For me.  For whoever out there is going to be bold enough to love me through the journey Home.  Praise God.  Have a goodnight!

New Life in Africa

Fooled you!  I don't actually live in Africa - it just feels like I do.

I moved to Tempe, AZ, and have begun planning for the Edge (Middle School) program at St. Timothy Catholic Church in Mesa. 

I'll be posting as soon as I get the part needed for my computer (should be tomorrow!), and the Toshiba all fixed up.  Beware!  I have many things to say.....

:)

Vision for the Mission

These past few months have been focused (haha) on discernment for my life. I am constantly finding myself asking the question, "Lord, what the heck am I supposed to do next year?" I feel pressure from all sides to make a swift decision, and it's understandable. FOCUS needs to know what I am doing, so they can either find my replacement to lead the team at NAU, find a place for me at the Support Center, or a number of other things. My family wants to know when I'll be home, if I'm moving back to Denver, and what my life is going to look like. My friends are split down the middle. Even with all of this swimming around me, I am not allowing it to steal my peace. The previous two weeks have been hectic, stressful, and I have not allowed myself to be at peace while trying to make a decision. I no longer allow this.

I sat with myself in prayer the last few days and tried to find my passion. Yes, I am passionate about Jesus Christ. He is everything to me. I sat with my own heart, dissecting it to find what He laid upon it in order to find what He wants. I don't know any more what my life is supposed to look like, but I do know one thing: Evangelization is my passion. I rarely get worked up when giving a talk with the same passion and force unless it's about evangelization. I spent about an hour with some ladies who spent their time telling me that some people in their sphere of young adults are all about prayer and others are all about evangelization - as if the two are entirely separate. I see something happening in some hearts, and it scares me. There used to be a false dichotomy of people within the Church - those who were faithful and those who loved social justice. This did not and does not make sense; a very faithful Archbishop has been quoted saying, "If we do not take care of the poor, we are going to hell." He also stresses the need for daily prayer and an intensity within the Sacramental life. Here is my dilemma, people - Evangelization is VITAL. It is not an option, no matter who you are. If you are Catholic, you are called to evangelize. This doesn't mean you are called to be a street-preacher. This doesn't mean you are called to be a FOCUS Missionary, necessarily, but you are a missionary.

To evangelize is the grace and vocation proper to the Church, her profound identity."

-Pope Paul VI, Evangelii Nuntiandi

I sit in prayer, and I become on fire for this mission of the world. "If you are would you ought to be, you will set the world on fire." -St. Catherine of Sienna. Why shouldn't I set the world on fire? "I came to set the world on fire, and how I wish it were already ablaze!" -Luke 2:49 Is it not written in the end of the Gospel of Matthew that Christ's final words to his disciples, prior to his Ascension, were to "Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations." Wow, this isn't an option. It's beautiful, and the ultimate goal of prayer, to have the prayer life described by Blessed John Paul II, "This great mystical tradition...shows how prayer can progress, as a genuine dialogue of love to the point of rendering the person wholly possessed by the Divine Beloved, vibrating at the Spirit's touch, resting filially within the Father's Heart." (NMI 33) However, a fruit of this prayer, this relationship should be the bring this love, this prayer, this beauty, this GRACE to the lives of others. If we are not evangelizing, if we are not bringing the fruit of pure light into the darkness of our world filled with the Culture of Death, we are not truly fulfilling our lives as Christians, as Catholics. We are universal. We follow the Truth. We should bring that truth to others, and it is NOT EVER a choice. Yes, a choice of free will, but should not ever be a "I'll be prayerful or evangelical". No. This is a false dichotomy that the Evil One tries to play within the grounds of our minds and hearts. Do not believe it.

So, my passion lies in this - teaching others how to reach the lost. My heart was created for this. I don't know what that means for my life, but I do know what it means for the next few months - I am renewed in this vision:

We will pierce hearts on the NAU campus with the Gospel and bring students face-to-face with Jesus Christ so that they must make a lifelong decision and must lead others to do the same.

FOCUS at NAU Mission Statement

Rejoice, rejoice! Emmanuel has come!

The last few weeks, I have been spending time in my prayer and heart "preparing for the birth of the Lord". Really, it's a funny thing to think about - how does one truly prepare themselves for the birth of someone who has already been born? I've spent extra time in the writings of the Saints. I've tried my darndest to figure out the meaning of the "Coming of the Lord". See, I know that in a few short months I will be shouting from the rooftops about the Resurrection of the same Man who was just born this very morning.


I began to place myself, once again, in the lives of those who were placed on the earth before Christ was born. I want to sing "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel!" when I put myself there. The idea that these people had no idea where their redemption was going to come from (outside of these little hints from a crazy guy named Isaiah ;) ) is a completely foreign concept for the hearts of us who often fall into complacency! They continued to be actively seeking their Messiah, their Savior. They knew He was coming, and they didn't want to miss a second of Him. They begged God everyday for Him to be born upon the Earth and save them! There were people who remained in the temple day and night to await His coming. There was confusion, brokenness and so much fear. Wow - so it's like today! I had a small moment of great rejoicing in the coming of Emmanuel today when I returned home from my sister's.


I was very much looking forward to coming back to Denver for this Christmas season! I even drove in conditions I probably shouldn't have for about 70 of my 900 mile journey just to be with my siblings this very Christmas Eve (watch the Broncos play and have breakfast with my family). I came back to my parents' house where my car is still stuck out front in the foot of snow that the plow left for us to park in, and no one else home. It was a beautiful experience to sit alone on Christmas Eve. I walked to my sister's for a couple hours, and came home soon after to finish wrapping and prepare for midnight. I pulled open my laptop to play my new favorite Christmas songs - Brandon Heath's "Night Before Christmas" (which I blogged about before), Phil Wickham's "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel", and Francesca Battistelli's "You're Here", and jumped onto Twitter out of habit. I was trying to think of my Christmas Tweet to my friends on Twitter, when I looked to see what was trending. I was certain Tim Tebow would be on that list, and, alas, I was right. To my grandest surprise, there was something trending far more than Timmy tonight (despite his terrible showing of FOUR TURNOVERS) - Midnight Mass. Screaming "O, Come, Emmanuel" in my head when I drive past the Adult Stores, when I see the destitution of Flagstaff, when I think about the culture I live in everyday I walk on campus to bring Him to the students and the students to Him, suddenly was before my face. He's here! For a brief moment, the entire world stood still about 2000 years ago when a star appeared in the sky. Angels sang shepherds from their flocks to worship the tiniest and most vulnerable of people. More people in this world believe in the existence of angels than they do in the existence of God. People, the world was less shaken by Gabriel's appearance to Mama Mary, an angel coming to the earth to visit a human being and call her Blessed, than it was the birth of GOD. When I looked to see that more people were posting about Him, not just being born upon the earth, but that they had seen and received Him, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity just a few moments before was absolutely breath-taking. In that moment, joy was born again into my soul. In that moment, in my parents' basement, all alone on Christmas Eve, I found myself at a loss for words at the entire world standing still for yet another moment. The very moment He came down to experience humanity in humility.





REJOICE! REJOICE! EMMANUEL HAS COME TO YOU, OH ISRAEL!





The vulnerability of the Christ Child has brought me to my knees once again. He's here. So today, I hold Jesus in my arms. Today I bring myself to the manger stable, and I rejoice with my entire being at Incarnation. Happy birthday, beautiful baby boy, and welcome to this wonderful world You created.





"What came about in bodily form in Mary, the fullness of the godhead shining through Christ in the Blessed Virgin, takes place in a similar way in every soul that has been made pure. The Lord does not come in bodily form, for 'we no longer know Christ according to the flesh,' but He dwells in us spiritually and the Father takes up His abode with him, the Gospel tells us. In this way the child Jesus is born in each of us."


-St. Gregory of Nyssa - "On Virginity"