Today was a very, very long day. It started at 7AM with prayer and ended at 11PM when I came home from rosary with students. It was a good day, though. I got to challenge three girls on living order - yes, studying is important, but getting a 98% on a test is the same in college as a 100%. Studying should never come before time with the Lord. They were pretty receptive. I got to talk with a girl about coming to national conference in December, and she was extremely excited. I got to lead my Bible study; while only three girls showed this week, I still got to share the Gospel with three souls, and for that I'm grateful. I got to pray a rosary with my teammate on campus over the campus and for students' intentions. It was beautiful (and cold). What I wanted to write about was something that happened after all of those amazing things - my car radio.
Ok, so you read earlier how music is just something tuned to my soul; I'm fairly certain both parents are to blame for that. After praying the Rosary with Pam, I sat down in the driver's seat of my car, turned it on, and the country radio station I had left on came on. I was already attune to the spiritual world in my brain, having just meditated on the Luminous Mysteries of the Rosary, and so when Brad Paisley's song "Then" came across the air waves, I immediately thought of my relationship with Christ. The song starts with the line, "I remember trying not to stare the night that I first met You; You had me mesmerized." That line stuck with me. Just remembering the first time that Christ had really broken through to me through the power of Adoration brought chills through the little Neon. While I had been on other retreats in my life to that point, while I had been to Mass my whole life to that point (thank you, Mommy!), while I had gone to Catholic school my whole life to that point, that time was different. Was it that I was more open? Was it something someone said? Was it the atmosphere? It was the summer of 1999 - just before my freshman year of high school. I don't remember much about that
Steubenville of the Rockies Conference, but I do remember Saturday night. It was night time. I remember the announcement that the then-Archdiocesan Director of Youth Ministry made about falling into the aisles or something. I remember that scared me, and so I said, "Who are You?" That was the right question to ask, because He wanted to show me more than anything. Adoration started, and people started crying, rolling down the aisles, etc. I had no idea what was going on. I was singing the songs I had never heard before, looking around at my peers for an explanation, but they all looked a little intent on the monstrance coming down the aisle of the bleachers we were standing on. I stared for a minute, and remember being hit internally with something, Someone. I couldn't speak, I couldn't stop staring - He had me mesmerized. If I had been shown in those moments where I would be ten years later, I would think my Christian Catholic faith was nuts. He's such a smart God. If when I asked that question, He had said, "I'm more powerful than you imagine, Manda. I know
EVERYthing about you. Oh, and, in ten years you'll be a second-year missionary with a Catholic Missionary organization on a college campus (oh yes, and you'll have your four-year bachelor's degree by then) in Kansas City, Missouri reaching out to girls who are six and seven years younger than you. And you'll love your job." I probably would have shut down and been sent to an institution. No, He just said, "I AM love." And that's all I needed. As Brad Paisley's song goes on to say, "Now You're my whole life; now You're my whole world....and I thought I loved You then." I thought I loved Christ so much at various moments in my life, even when I was serving with NET. It's so funny how much we grow in years. He's so beautiful, He's so patient. He delivers the gifts and manifests His love in us when He needs it to happen, and when we're actually most ready.
So, I needed that. I needed to know that patience has an answer; the answer is extremely beautiful and sometimes long-winded. So, while I wait for my freshmen girls, my sophomore disciple, and our student leaders to reach where Christ wants them to be, I remember this patience.
I think about all of you tonight, those of you who waited for me to grow up in faith in those times when people now didn't know me (I'm thinking high school). Wherever you are, whether you're a peer in FOCUS now with me (some of my youth ministers in high school), in Colorado waiting for my next text message (family), working with this generation of teens (other youth ministers in high school or other priests, religious and lay people who were speakers, singers, confessors, rappers...etc), know that I pray for you, and thank you for your joyful FIAT to the Lord's call to be patient with me.
"I can't see is how I'm ever going to love You more, but I've said that before. Now You're my whole life, now You're my whole world. We'll look back some day, at this moment that we're in, and I'll look at You and say, 'And I thought I loved You then.' "