Isn't it a Joy?

"Isn't it a joy to be exhausted for the Lord?"

-Fr. Richard Rocha

This morning, I was running behind for prayer. Ok, I wasn't late, but I was enroute to be exactly on time. Normally this is ok, but this morning I ran into the Diocesan Vocations' Director, who also happens to be our chaplain at UMKC, as I was walking past St. Peter school to get to the chapel inside the "Legacy Center". Fr. Rocha is an amazing and joy-filled man. I wanted to share with him the joy the Lord had given me the previous evening. He said, "MANDA! How are you this fine morning?" All my mind could muster to answer at the time was, "So tired, Father." He smiled and said, "Isn't it a joy to be exhausted for the Lord?" I have to admit, that wasn't my first thought when my alarm went off this morning. I thought, "Wow, I'm tired." THEN I thought, "I had the most amazing three and 1/2 hours last night."

Last night I went to my first weekly Bible study. While this is my second year on campus at UMKC, I had the senior women in Bible study last year, and so I am starting over; I have the freshmen women in Bible study. I've been extremely impressed with them thus far, but I was a little nervous. The first Bible study is always a little awkward, especially when you have to explain to the women, who are still teenagers, that you're actually a college graduate, not even of this school, and you're a good 7 years older than them. Anyway, I had 7 of the many girls I called come; this is a very high number for UMKC. We started off just sharing a little bit about ourselves and our week. Then we dove into Scripture. We talked about God's amazing plan for our lives; how He is the only source of peace and joy in our lives. During the conversation, one girl answered one of my questions this way, "Ok, Manda, I know you want me to say that the reason there's unhappiness in the world is that there's separation from God, but I can't say that. I feel like a hypocrit." I asked her to explain, and she got vulnerable. It was an awesome moment to show her that we're all broken (I got to share my testimony), and for me to see where she is in her life with Christ. We planned a coffee date for Thursday evening (before I come home for the weekend for Alyssa and Sean's wedding in Greeley!), and I hope to talk with her more about her unanswered questions. Pray for me! I'm pretty sure I don't have the answers, but I'm finding hope in the fact that God is allowing her heart to be open to us even through her brokenness!

After Bible study is the part that really made me exhausted today. One of the girls was sticking around helping me clean things up. She's an amazing freshmen woman who just wants Christ to be at the center of her life. We talked about what study would look more like throughout the course of the semester and year, and she seemed really excited. We talked for a few minutes, and something came up that prompted me to ask her about her prayer life. This spurned into a long conversation about where she is in her life. She shared about this confusing situation with a man (isn't it always about men? ;) ). She told me about how she wanted to put Christ first, but didn't know where to go from here; she didn't know where to start. We proceeded to have a 2 and 1/2 hour conversation about prayer, situations, what we are supposed to do in our lives to grow closer to Christ. It was so providencial that I am currently reading a book (by raving reviews of friends, of course) called I Believe in Love. It's a personal retreat set up upon the writings of St. Therese of Lesieux (St. Therese the Little Flower). One of the meditations I read in prayer yesterday was that when Christ called St. Peter, the first Pope of the Catholic Church, the one He gave keys to the kingdom to, He didn't say, "Peter, will you be a man of character and great leader? Will you be as perfect as possible, as sinless as possible, in order to better my kingdom?" No, Christ said, "Peter, do you love Me?" I confided in this girl that it's a struggle of mine to strive for perfection all the time, but Christ only calls me to love Him. How, every day, do we love Him? Every decision, how do we choose love? It was perfect for her life. It was beautiful and providencial!

The point of this story is that Bible study started at 8:30pm. I didn't get home until midnight last night, and had a bunch of work to do before I went to sleep. I woke up this morning, not feeling joyful that my story, the Lord's pursuit of my heart, could have changed someone's life and relationship with Christ, but rather exhausted and wanting to stay in bed until five minutes before I was supposed to leave my house to walk to prayer. Fr. Rocha called me out, and prayer was amazing for it. What a joy it is to be exhausted for the Lord!!